Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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