I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
