Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
