I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
