I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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