I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
