Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.

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(937): View more from Ohio

I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy

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