Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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