We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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