I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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