I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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