U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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