When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
