so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
