does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
