I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
