my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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