So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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