good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
