its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
