Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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