No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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