You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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