I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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