toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
