If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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