Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
