It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
