i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
