You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
