Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
