white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
