My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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