she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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