im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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