oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
