we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
