So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
