1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
