Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
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Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
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Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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