haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My ATM looks so different sober.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
