my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
