You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
