we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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