Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
