wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
