I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
