listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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