You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize