No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
