Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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