If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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