whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
