She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You took a bar mat shot.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
