i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
