OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
