I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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