Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
