The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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