Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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