We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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