I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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