The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
