You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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