awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
