last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
