every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
