At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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