make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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