the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
