tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
