Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
