Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
